The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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