so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
