So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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