help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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