I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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