dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
