I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He passed out mid-signature
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
