Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
