No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
