ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
