fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize