His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
