Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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