first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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