I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
