So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
