They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you had me at cake vodka
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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