So drunk its hurt
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
