Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
