I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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