found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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