A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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