a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nicole vs. Life
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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