I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
