Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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