Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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