I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
