Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
