Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
