I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
