He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
