please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
