I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm too high and old for this...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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