I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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