Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
