Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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