If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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