yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize