I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
