My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
