he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's never too late to be topless.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
