dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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