Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
