I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
