Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
