I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
