Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
