definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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