ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
