This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
