got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
