Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
