Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
