Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
