I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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