I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
