Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
