I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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