And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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