she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
