I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
