know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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